


A Game of Idiots

by orphan_account



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV), Red vs. Blue
Genre: Crash Landing, Dragons, F/M, Lost in another universe, M/M, War of the Five Kings, White Walkers, crashing the red wedding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:22:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27892246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: When the reds and blues crash land on a mysterious world after flying through a strange anomaly, they must fight to survive the game of thrones as their window to escape back to their home closes.
Relationships: Carolina & Daenerys., Daenerys Targaryen/Jon Snow(minor), Dexter Grif & Dick Simmons, Dexter Grif/Dick Simmons, Jon Snow & Michael J. Caboose, Jon Snow & Washington, Michael & Dick Simmons, Michael J. Caboose & Dexter Grif, Robb Stark/Margery Tyrell, Samwell Tarly & Caboose, Sarge & Caboose
Kudos: 4





	A Game of Idiots

**Author's Note:**

> I tried writing this like a transcript. Hopefully the dialogue isn’t that bad. Constructive criticism is encouraged. 
> 
> Also I don’t own Red vs Blue (Rooster teeth) or Asoiaf/GOT (George RR Martian and HBO)

Interior Freelance ship  
Transporting the reds and blues to Chrous 

Simmons  
So you see Grif all you have to do is press this button and my auto pilot does the rest. This could help cut down our accidental crash landings by half.

Grif  
Nerd,, so wait if what your telling me is right, all we would need to do to avoid Sarge’s or Wash’s and especially Carolina’s chores is tell him I’m on pilot duty while in reality I’m napping up here. Simmons you have created the greatest invention since the lazy boy.

Simmons  
WHAT. Of course thats what you think of. This technology is meant to help prevent us from crashing again. Not help you to shirk your duties while you eat Funyuns.

Grif  
First of all its to eat tinkies and I appreciate that your auto guy will prevent us from going bs adventures. All I’m saying is we don’t need to tell the others and use this place for nap and snack times.

Simmons  
Grif you know I need to tell Sarge about this. Cant you think of anything but hot cakes and a place to sleep for once  
...  
...  
...  
Grif  
Do you even hear how stupid you just sounded 

Simmons  
Yeah I realized it as soon as it left my mouth. But still you know I need to Sarge, Wash and Car.....

A red warning turned on as the ship lurched forward. Objects fell off the desks of the room, including Simmons Simmons mug that read ‘Worlds Greatest Simmons’. The mug shattered into a thousand tiny pieces on the floor.

Simmons  
No my mug

Grif  
Come on Simmons, it’s a lie and besides you got for yourself. That’s fucking pathetic and sad man.

Grif said as he picked himself up looking around the room.

Simmons  
What no.. Shut up. Besides what the hell was that about.

Before Grif could respond a figure appeared behind them making the orange and maroon sim troopers fell back in sudden

Caboose  
That was crazy I think I lost my lunch box.

Grif gave Caboose a odd look as said lunch was now smeared upon his face 

Grif  
Yeah, I noticed moron.

Simmons  
How long were you there Caboose and do you know happened.

Caboose  
Well you see I came to ask Griff if he could share a spoon with me so I could eat my cookies.

They both gave an incredulous look but chose to ignore that statement and asked him to continue on.

Caboose  
Well then I got here you two were arguing like a old couple again so I sat on the prinables seat until you were finished.

Grif  
We’re not an old married couple

Simmons  
Forget it. Okay so when you sat in the ‘Principles’ seat, what did you do Caboose.

Caboose  
Well this nice robot man asked me where I wanted to go. And I told him I wanted to see the Christmas lights as it’s almost Christmas. And now we’re on our to the North Pole to see Santa Claus.

Grif and Simmons stood there in silence as Grif face plumed. The room they were in was now a mess as Wash walked in

Wash  
What in the hell was that

He yelled at the three already in the room

Grif  
Ask these two geniuses 

Simmons  
What.. how is this my fault.

Grif  
You were the one who made that audio pilot thing. And Caboose used it to take us to “Santa Claus”. Hopefully it takes to Chrous’ Santa.

Wash  
Okay so let get this straight. Simmons made a auto pilot telling without me or Carolina about it. And Caboose told it that he wants to see Santa Claus so now we are going gods know where.

Grif  
Pretty much dude. By the way where is Carolina. Not that I’m complaining or anything but I expected her to come and kick our asses.

Interior X minutes ago, Mess Hall. Wash and Sarge are arm wrestling while Sarge, Donut, Doc, Carolina watched on.

Sarge  
You might as well as give up now ag... oh darn

Sarge said as Wash won

Wash  
Better luck next time Sarge

Then the ship turned as food fell from the tables onto the floor.

Sarge  
What in the .. were under attack 

Donut  
We’re all going to die

Lopez  
Siempre y cuando no tenga que escucharos más, idiotas.

Donut  
This not the time for plays Lopez

Lopez  
Por favor, mátame ahora.

Tucker  
What in the fuck was tha...  
Um I swear this was an accident, please don’t hurt me

They all turned to see Tucker slowly from a fuming Carolina 

Wash  
Tucker what did you do?

Tucker  
It’s not my fault, that crash throw me into Carolina

Wash  
And what else Tucker

Tucker  
My hand, totally by accident, may have landed on a sensitive part of her armor.

Interior Control present

Wash  
Um, she decided to stay behind 

They could hear Tucker screams from here.

Grif  
Sure dude

Wash  
Anyways we should where Caboose sent us

Simmons  
Um hey Grif didn’t Caboose say he wanted to see the pretty lights than Santa Claus. Caboose what lights are you talking.

Caboose  
Oh, those pretty lights right there. See they’re waving to me. Hello Christmas Lights.

Caboose muttering Ho Ho Ho while waving a spiraling mass of blue stars encircling a wormhole.

Grif  
How the fuck did we miss that.

Wash  
Simmons what are those things, they don’t look like normal stars.

Simmons  
That’s because there not. It appears to be some sort of anomaly or wormhole like in Star Trek or Sliders.

Grif  
Nerd

Wash  
Nows not the time, we need to revert course before that thing swallows us whole.

Donut  
I know a thing or two about swallowing holes. 

Donut said as he and Sarge appeared.

Sarge  
I’d like to report that the Carolina, Tucker has been solved. All it took was enough tranquilizers to take down a T-Rex.

Wash  
Not now we an emergency Sarge. Simmons’ autopilot is directly into a wormhole and if we don’t change course we’ll fall into that wormhole.

Sarge  
Oh I see. So now we finally our greatest foe has revealed himself.

Wash  
What...

Grif  
Oh Fuck me.

Sarge  
So the robot team has revealed itself for the traitors they are. That tank that to tried kill us and did kill a bluetard. That fella Freckles who put us in the rule of a moron. And now this Audious ma pil ote has come to finish the job.

Wash  
Sarge please don’t do I think your going to do  
...  
...  
Sarge  
Well heres what I say to that... Charge

Sarge then ran up and shoot the auto pilot point blank three times.

Sarge  
Take that and that and a little of that.

The ship lurched a bit again as it came to a stop just before the wormhole. 

Simmons  
I think it actually worked. Sarge you saved us.

Sarge  
Why of course I did Simmons. It’s all in a days...

Auto pilot  
Slip.. Slipnot.. drive.. activated. In 10..9

Sarge  
Work

..8..7

Grif  
Fuck this if I’m going to die I’m going to eat some cake in the mess hall.

..6..5

Wash  
Guys we to calm down

..4

Donut  
We’re all going to die. There’s so I never to do. So many guys never met. So many crevices left unexplored. 

...3

Simmons  
Donut why do hav... actually you know were going to die so fuck it. Grif I love you.

... 2

..

..

Donut  
Well that’s gay

... 1

Caboose  
This seems longer than ten seconds.

That was all anyone can hear before they speed into the wormhole never to return.

-Next chapter-

-Preview for chapter three-

The northmen listen to the strangers.  
“Why the fuck do we always crash in a god forsaken canyon. Why not a island of hot babes or at least have a internet connection for porn.”

**Author's Note:**

> This idea came out of rewatching season 11 of RVB and wondering what would happen if they ended up in Westeros.


End file.
